


I am (not) a robot

by TrickrTreason



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Early Mornings, Fluff, Human Squip (Be More Chill), Movie Night, Other, Petty Theft, Picnics, Slow Dancing, Valentine's Day Fluff, one-shots???, soft angst, squip has feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-04 20:24:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17311292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickrTreason/pseuds/TrickrTreason
Summary: Shameless squipemy fluff bc I love ignoring canon





	1. Pocky in the Park

It was Jeremy’s idea for him and Squip to go on a real date and Squip’s idea for it to be a picnic.

“A picnic, while being casual, also shows effort in planning for weather, getting food the both of you like and bringing various soft things that humans like for comfort when sitting down, such as blankets or pillows,” the Squip reasoned.

“You know it’s a lot less romantic when you explain it like that,” Jeremy said wryly. Squip scoffed and rolled their eyes.

“You know I’m incapable of romance,” they replied. Jeremy place a kiss to his cheek and reveled in their pale skin dusting in a blush.

“I know you’re a big dork,” Jeremy laughed, Squip just huffed.

In the end, Squip was in charge of location and date, which was exceedingly easy considering they still had their quantum processor and Jeremy was in charge of packing soft things and food. Squip, he found, was a very picky eater so he packed a variety of snacks, some that Squip has tried and liked and some that they haven't tried yet. He ended up spending more money at 7/11 than he was planning on but he really wanted to give Squip a good first date. He would do just about anything for those brief moments were Squip dropped their chilly persona and laughed out loud or got flustered. They looked so-- human in those moments and it made Jeremy’s heart do flip flops or jumping jacks or whatever hearts did when they were absolutely stunned by how cute someone could be.

He hoped Squip felt the way, they were always so hard to read. They didn’t emote a lot and their sentence structures were very formal and stilted, it was like talking to Siri.

 _‘Of course it’s like talking to Siri,’_ Jeremy thought bitterly. _‘They’re a computer, technically. Don’t be, I dunno, roboist.’_

It was still, disheartening, Jeremy thought. The way Squip would sometimes run their eyes over his body and they looked like the T-1000 staring down Sarah Connor or something. So maybe a date would be the perfect time for Squip to share any emotions they have, if they have them.They claim that they do not but Jeremy prefers to believe it’s all a bravado. After all, there are times when it’s just him and the Squip and they’ve always been very sweet and kind and their touches were always so gentle and then there was that one night where Squip was kissing him right above-nope! No thinking dirty thoughts at 7/11. He just needed to check out his groceries and leave. He had about thirty minutes to walk to the park they were having their picnic at but somehow he already knew Squip was going to be early.

Ever since Jeremy stopped caring about seeming ‘chill’ to his peers Squip had stopped making him ’fashionably late’ to events. He was either right on time or early, nothing more and nothing less. It was one of those quirks that had stayed in Squip’s system from when they had went from pill in Jeremy’s brain to actual human with frighteningly fluorescent green blood. Jeremy was willing to bet it was Mountain Dew but Squip nearly had a panic attack when they started ‘leaking’ the first time it happened so Jeremy was never given a second opportunity to find out.

After getting his picnic food Jeremy started walking over to the picnic area, enjoying the nice sunny day. When he was in eyesight of the park he could see a dark figure sitting on top the hill looking over the small lake it had. Jeremy rolled his eyes and smiled, Squip was nothing else if not predictable. He jogged up the hill before breathlessly putting his bags down and collapsing on the blanket Squip left there. Squip looked effortlessly cool as always, long black trench coat pooling behind them like an inky puddle and their curly black hair perfectly coiffed.

“Hey cutie,” Jeremy said, smiling and hoping to get a rise out of the computer. Squip squinted their eyes at him before looking away.

“I request that you refrain from calling me that in public, Jeremiah,” they muttered to the blanket. Jeremy laughed.

“Oh, we’re doing full names now, is that it? Unfair, I always call you by your full name,” Jeremy teased. A small smirk appeared on Squip’s lips.

“My serial code is 978-078680996-7 if that helps,” they said. They could practically see in gears in Jeremy’s head turning, trying to remember the number.

“I think I’ll just stick to calling you Tic-Tac,” he replied. Squip snuffed and rolled their eyes.

“How childish Jeremy, you truly wound me with your playground insults,” they deadpanned, holding a hand to their chest in mock hurt. Jeremy lightly slapped their arm.

“Drama queen,” he laughed, unpacking their food. Squip’s eyes slightly lit up as they peered over to try and see the food.

“What did you get for us?” they asked. Jeremy grinned.

“Well, I got a lot of food, some things I know you like and some things you haven't tried. I thought we could play a game, for every snack you try for me I’ll give you one of your favorite ones,” Jeremy said. They looked comfortable at the prospect of trying new things.

“Jeremy that is absolutely puerile, you cannot hold my food hostage,” they barked. Jeremy casually shrugged his shoulders.

“I guess I’ll have to eat these delicious thin mints all by myself,” Jeremy said slyly, shaking the box for emphasis. It was completely worth it for the angry flush of green going across Squip’s freckled face. They bit down on their lip and squirmed slightly before barking out.

“Okay, what’s first?” Jeremy dug through his bags and pulled out a small triangular box.

“Pizza! I figured I’d start you off easy, it’s just a plain cheese pizza.” Squip eyed the triangle warily.

“And you promise I’ll get thin mints if I take a bite of this… thing?” they asked. Jeremy laughed.

“I even bought you some Mountain Dew if you really hate it.” A light smile played on Squip’s lip and it made Jeremy’s heart feeling really good and weird.

“Alright, I’ll try it,” they said before carefully taking the pizza from Jeremy’s hand. They held it in the same way someone would hold a particularly gross bug. After receiving a reassuring head nod from Jeremy they cringed and took a bite. Their eyes opened in surprise.

“It’s good,” they said in shock, obviously expecting to hate pizza.

“Does that mean you don’t want the thin mints?” Jeremy teased. Squip fixed him with a dead look.

“Obviously not,” they deadpanned. “Give them to me.”

“Bratty bratty,” Jeremy sang, handing over the box of cookies. Squip shoved two of hem in their mouth.

“Like you aren’t consistently a brat,” they said, words slurred by bits of masticated cookie.

“Are you done?” Jeremy asked, unscrewing the lip of their Mountain Dew and handing it over. They took two quick drinks from the bottle before sighing pleasantly.

“Sure, what do you have planned next,” they asked, setting the pizza delicately aside. After rummaging through a different bag Jeremy pulled out a bright pink box.

“I thought we could play the pocky game,” Jeremy said, having the decency to look sheepish. A brief look of confusion flashed on Squips face before realization set in.

“Ah, I see,” they said finally. “You really are obsessed with physical touch, aren't you Jeremiah?” Jeremy sputtered and blushed.

“You weren’t complaining when we cuddled and watched that documentary you wanted!” he retorted. Squip chuckled.

“I’m not complaining now, I’m merely stating a fact. You're very defensive.”

“Oh,” Jeremy said dumbly. Yeah, he was getting a little defensive, calm down Heere. “So do you wanna play?” Squip made a so-so motion with their hand.

“I don’t see why not, though there are easier ways to kiss me you know. I am your ‘Riend after all,” they said. Jeremy smiled to himself, he loved it when Squip called themself his ‘Riend, even if it was a goofy title it fit.

“Cool,” Jeremy muttered astutely, face pink. He picked up a cookie stick and put it in his mouth. “Whoever makes it to the middle first wins, if you break away from the pocky you lose,” he said around the stick in his mouth.

“I know the rules Jeremy,” they said, gesturing to their brain. They wrapped their lips around the opposite side of the pocky. The game was on.

They went along in the game as these things usually do, mouths inching along a mixture of chocolate and cookie, eye contact wavering ever so slightly. In the end it was a game of nerve and wits, something that Jeremy lost all of when he was with the Squip.

They approached the middle of the stick and stared at each other, noses touching, lips almost… well… you know. Jeremy felt his face flush and god he could get lost for forever in Squip’s neon blue eyes, they were like an anime ocean or some shit. Jeremy felt his eyelids droop in want as he started to lean in for a kiss before he heard a crunch. He looked down, startled and realized that Squip had stolen the rest of the cookie stick.

“I won,” they smirked, looking very self satisfied. “Good game Jeremy.” Jeremy felt his heart sink, did they really feel nothing? They were like, having a big romantic moment and all Squip focused on was winning a game. Just like that the game was seemingly forgotten to them, picking up their drink and sipping it while going through their snacks on the blanket.

“This is fucked up,” Jeremy muttered, feeling dejected.

“What is Jeremy? That you lost? It's honestly just a game, you're exceedingly competitive,” they said flippantly. Jeremy cursed under his breath, not expecting Squip to be able to hear his murmuring.

“It's not that it's just that...I’m dating a supercomputer that used to live in my head,” Jeremy whined, really hoping he wouldn't have to elaborate.

“Ah, yes objectively that is very fucked up. But last time I checked you were done caring about what other people thought of you,” they said wearing a smirk. Jeremy assumed that was Squip’s attempt at comforting him. He sighed.

“I don't-- I don't care what other people think of me. I just care what you think. Do you even feel things? Things for me,” Jeremy’s voice went quiet. He wasn't even sure if he wanted the answer to his question. He felt his eyes begin to water just thinking about how the Squip might answer. What he didn't expect was for them to grab his hand gently with both of theirs. Their hands were soft and surprisingly warm, Jeremy could see light green veining on the back of their hands that looked like circuit boards, that made them look so inhuman. Jeremy looked up.

“I do… feel things Jeremy, and I apologize that I ever made you doubt my intentions with you. I'm not as good at being a human as I was a supercomputer, and even then there were faults in my code. Being with you, I feel as illogical as any human should. I look at you and I don’t see statistics anymore, I see you. I look at you and instead of seeing your acne as an obstacle to fix as I used to I see pink constellations on your face and I wonder what it'd be like to kiss them,” they bit their lip and looked down at their hands.

“Don't kiss my zits,” Jeremy started carefully. “They might burst on your mouth.” He grinned and it was a beautiful, dorky full faced grin and Squip couldn't help but beam in response.

“It would be worth it,” they said lowly, leering playfully at Jeremy and waggling their eyebrows.

“Ew! You're gross, you're so gross,” Jeremy laughed, slapping Squip’s chest. Squip laughed too, a full bodied laugh with their head thrown back and shoulders bobbing up and down and Jeremy was stunned at their beauty.

“I love you,” he said breathlessly before realizing just what he said. He ripped his hand away from Squip’s, shooting up to cover his own mouth in shock. Squip was finally opening up and he didn’t want to scare them off by blurting out the ‘L’ word like an ‘L’ word-struck idiot. “I mean, what I mean is-”. He was cut off. Squip placed a quick kiss to his lips.

“Of course I love you too,” they replied. “You're my human after all,” they said with a wink. Jeremy blushed.

“Yeah well, you’re my tic-tac,” he said in a playful voice. Squip snorted and Jeremy was surprised that the sound could come from someone so usually dignified, then hoped he’d be able to make them make that sound again.

“Of course,” they replied smiling. They started to clear up the food strewn among them and put it back in its bags. Jeremy shot them a quizzical look.

“Well Jeremy let’s get you home. I haven’t be fair to you so I believe you should be,” they looked Jeremy up and down hungrily. “Compensated.”

“O-oh. Okay!” Jeremy chirped, face bright red. The T-1000 never looked at Sarah Conner like that before.

Good.

He was the only one allowed to date formerly world-dominating computers anyway.


	2. Almost Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slow dancing in his pajamas at six in the morning

It was early, early enough that Jeremy was wondering why on earth he was awake at this godforsaken hour. It was the weekend and his dad was out of town meaning he had the house to himself, he could sleep until noon if he wanted. Maybe it was the cold spot next to him on his bed, or the smell of coffee looming from downstairs, the feeling of dread that he was missing someone. 

Squip. 

They were always an early riser but this was ridiculous. The sun wasn't even up and what if Jeremy had wanted some lazy morning cuddles or you know, something else. He sighed and rolled off the bed, finding his pajama pants somewhere on his floor. He padded downstairs to the kitchen, following the smell of freshly brewed coffee. 

Sitting at the dining room table was Squip, leaning back in their chair looking as effortlessly chill as always, playing sudoku. They were wearing black pajama pants and one of Jeremy’s old tshirts, but the crowning achievement was the white robe they wore, which looked like the wrestling robe they had worn when they existed only in Jeremy’s head. Light music played from the family computer. It was something soft and melancholy. They peered up from their game, a small smirk playing on their lips. 

“Good morning Jeremy, would you like some coffee,” they asked in their deep comforting voice that agitated the butterflies that lived in Jeremy’s stomach. 

“Yes please,” Jeremy replied sleepily. “Why are you up so early?” Squip was already pouring them both a cup of coffee, black for them and hazelnut creamer for Jeremy. They pursed their lips in thought. 

“I wanted to watch the sunrise with you, I knew both the absence of my presence next to you and the scent of coffee would arouse you.” Jeremy waggled his eyebrows. “Not like that, you dolt,” they concluded. Jeremy stood behind Squip and wrapped his arms around their waist. He nuzzled his nose into their hair and breathed in their scent. 

“Your words say dolt but your voice says ‘my handsome boyfriend whom I love very much’,” Jeremy said lightly. Squip put their coffees down and turned around in Jeremy’s arm, placing their arms loosely around his hips, swaying softly. 

“And what does my body language say, Jeremy?” they asked, a teasing lilt in their voice. Jeremy started swaying as well. 

“It says ‘dance with me’,” Jeremy replied. Squip smiled shyly. 

“I thought you'd never ask.” They swayed around the dining room in a lazy early morning waltz with no rhythm but the melancholy music in the background and a rhythm that was all their own, circling them around the room. Jeremy pressed his nose against Squip’s and smiled at the butterfly kisses that fluttered against his cheeks. They were so warm and buzzing with electricity that Jeremy could almost feel their frequency just holding them in his arms. 

Squip gasped softly and looked out the kitchen window, stopping their dance only briefly. The rising sun lit a flame in their eyes and they looked so stunning that Jeremy knew there had to be good in the world because he was dancing at sunrise with the person he loves. Their pale skin was bathed in warmth and cold icy blue eyes burned like marigold in fall. If Jeremy could fall in love with a moment in time he would have wedded 6:03am on the spot. Then, Squip kissed him and he fell into their embrace wholeheartedly, relishing in the warm lips pressed firmly against his own and the gentle pawing of teeth at his bottom lip. He cradled the supercomputer’s face in his hands and broke apart the kiss and their lips looked so good shiny with spit and swollen from pressure. 

“Thank you for waking me up,” Jeremy said. “I enjoyed this.” Squip practically preened at the praise. 

“The pleasure is all mine, dearest,” they said, nuzzling their face further into Jeremy’s hands. Jeremy laughed. 

“C’mon, let’s go finish our coffee before they get cold.” 

They drank coffee and watched the sunrise together and both of them wondered how they got so lucky as the find the other, being worlds apart. But now they’re living in their arms.


	3. Far From Artificial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squip is afraid of sci-fi movies

When Jeremy’s father was out on business, Squip felt that gave them free reign of the house and everything it incompances, including but not limited to the television, which was how movie nights started for Jeremy and Squip- to stop Squip from hacking into the pay per view channels. 

The two of them were cuddled up on the couch covered in blankets with a bowl of popcorn on their laps, watching some sort of 50’s monster movie marathon. 

“Jeremy do we have to watch such trite,” Squip asked impatiently. 

“Fair’s fair,” Jeremy replied. “Last movie night we watched infomercials, this movie night we’re watching dudes in bad rubber suits beat each other up.” Squip grumbled, not even wanting to get into their argument on how infomercials are informative and this is nothing but silly foolishness. The television chimed in with what movie would be playing next. 

‘Back to our feature presentation: Attack of the Horrifying Robo-Men!’ the announcer said in a deep ominous voice. The screen showed a large clunky robot carrying a naked, screaming women. Jeremy laughed and pointed at the screen. 

“Look Squip, it’s you,” he joked. Squip rolled their eyes. 

“Very mature of you Jeremy, you know I don’t say that all humans look the same,” they grumbled. 

“Yes you do,” Jeremy retorted. “Like a lot.” Squip sighed. 

“Ok perhaps I do, but you’re the outlier.” Jeremy smiled and kiss their temple. 

“How romantic of you,” Jeremy joked. Squip scoffed. 

The movie began to play and while having a slow start, the amount of gratuitous violence against robots was, well, gratuitous. Almost as gratuitous as the female full frontal nudity. A blonde bombshell was showering before a robot tried to attack her, causing her to scream and push her breasts together and spray the robot with water. It short circuited and Squip cringed. 

“How stupid, any automatron with half a CPU would know to stay far away from water,” they complained. “And furthermore what sort of defense was that from our leading lady? Had it been a human attacker splashing water on them would do absolutely nothing-,” Jeremy flicked a piece of popcorn at their face. 

“Quiet down front,” he said lightly at Squip’s grousing. They weren’t normally so vocal during movies. 

The movie continues but Jeremy noted that with each violent robot death Squip clung closer and closer to his form that by the time they were near the climax of the movie Squip was nearly in his lap. He looked over at the computer and saw that they were very pale, watch the screen absolutely entranced. There was a robot operation going on in the film, humans pawing through the many wires and circuits looking for the ‘heart’. If a computer could look sick, Squip was the poster child. Their eyes were wide and glowing blue, vein like circuits trailing from their eyes softly illuminated through their artificial skin. Even their breathing was heavier, hitching at the scientists cutting important wires. Jeremy could tell they were in fight or flight mode. 

“Are you scared Squip,” he asked gently as to not startle the poor thing. Squip jumped slightly at the noise and turned to look at Jeremy, almost blinding him with how bright their eyes are. 

“Of course not,” they lied. “I was just… just… this movie’s stupid! And-and how is there not a single human on the robot’s side, Jeremy? Answer me that! Have human’ forgotten so quickly everything we’ve done for them?” Squip was starting to sound hysterical, green fluid pooling in the corners of their eyes. Jeremy watched them in concern as they raved in his lap, spilling popcorn. 

“It’s- it’s like the humans forgot they’re the ones who made us so maybe they should take a little responsibility and maybe we were only doing our best and don’t deserve to get killed by some teenager in a red hoodie!” Shit. There it is. Fluid was pouring freely from their eyes and their breathing was erratic. 

“Oh, oh Squip. Come here,” Jeremy said softly, cradling Squip’s head to his chest. He rubbed soothing circles into Squip’s back in the hopes to calm the computer down, his other hand tangled in Squip’s unruly black curls. They shuddered in Jeremy’s arms, breathing slowly calming down to its usual rhythm. 

“What if- what if robots did take over, Jeremy. Whose side would you be on?,” they mumbled quietly into his chest, cold fingers tracing patterns in the fabric of his shirt. Their voice was quiet and weak and Jeremy felt his heart cry out to them. 

“I’d be on our side,” Jeremy said softly against Squip’s temple, placing soft kisses there. “You and me buddy, against the world. We could take on anything.” He could feel Squip’s lips turn up slightly. 

“Do you really believe that,” they asked, and Jeremy beamed. 

“Of course I do! A love story like ours? We could end any feud between our species,” Jeremy said, trailing his kisses down Squip’s jawline. He could feel their artificial skin heating up, which meant he was doing a good job. Squip smirked and stretched, giving Jeremy access to their neck. Jeremy started to suck and bite at the skin there, making a light bruise appear. He felt a hum of appreciation rise to Squip’s mouth. 

“You are the part of humanity that worth fighting for,” they said dreamily, eyes shut in bliss at Jeremy’s ministrations. Jeremy laughed and bit down at the point where Squip’s shoulder and neck met, reveling in the light moan he received. Squip was all laid out on his lap with a satisfied grin of their face, previous anxieties forgotten for now. 

“I’m not really, I just got lucky when I met you,” he said, sucking and biting on the same spot, progressively drawing longer moans out of his computer. They were so hot like this, all blissed out and self-satisfied. 

“You mean when you bought me,” Squip snarked, completely taking Jeremy off guard. He fixed them with a quizzical look. 

“Do you just really love ruining the mood or..” he asked with a trace of humor in his voice. Squip chuckled. 

“I dunno, what did it say on my packaging?” they replied. 

“It said that you shouldn’t date the illegal drugs you buy at a Payless,” Jeremy laughed. 

“Hmm, I suppose then it’s a good thing you have poor reading comprehension skills,” they teased. Jeremy pushed Squip off his lap and onto the floor. 

“That’s mean, mean robots don’t get kisses and cuddles,” Jeremy pouted. Squip laid their head on Jeremy’s lap, undeterred. 

“And what do nice robots get,” they asked sweetly. Jeremy snorted an ran his fingers through their hair. 

“Like you’ll ever find out,” he laughed. Squip made a face. 

“Booo,” they jeered, climbing back into Jeremy’s lap. “Boo!” Jeremy wrapped his arms around them and held them close. 

“I suppose for you I’ll make an exception,” Jeremy said, rubbing circles into the computer’s back. They snuffed happily against his neck. 

They’re always the exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on getting a chapter out so soon but all the positive comments I've received inspired me to write more


	4. Feelings are Fatal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Valentines Day special Technical Boyfs

Valentine’s Day /noun/: February 14 observed in honor of St. Valentine and as a time for sending valentines.

Val·en·tine /ˈvalənˌtīn//noun/  
a card sent, often anonymously, on St. Valentine's Day (February 14) to a person one loves or is attracted to.

Squip looked over the word document behind their eyes, at the vast array of research they’ve done on the holiday. They sighed and blinked back into reality. It would be their first Valentine’s Day as a human, and even more frighteningly their only Valentine’s Day with not one but two boyfriends. They had heard some offhand remarks from both Jeremy and Michael about the holiday, mostly pertaining to tacky stuffed animals and discounted chocolates on the 15th. So getting them stuffed animals and chocolates was out of the question. Maybe not chocolates, their boyfriends had quite the affinity for junk food, despite their efforts to persuade the two towards healthier snacks. 

They attempted to watch romantic comedy films in order to see what a typical partner would do for the other, but that only succeeded to make them feel physically sick at the saccharine schmaltziness, if they needed to sustain themself with food, they would have lost their lunch. It was all so seemingly simple and yet they couldn’t get a hang of it, of expressing true romance, or true feeling. They knew how to emulate it but Jeremy and Michael could tell when they were falling back on programmed social cues and for some reason prefered Squip’s stumbling and robotic attempt at expressing emotions. They felt like a child, awkwardly holding a dandelion or other such weed at arms length to their playground crush. 

They reclined slightly in the armchair they were resting in and ground the heels of their hands frustratedly into their eyes. Oh this was going to be more difficult than anticipated. Squip heard the sounds of footsteps approaching and looked to over their shoulder, it was Jeremy. Good. 

They had more history with Jeremy than they had with Michael, and despite lov-caring for them both very much, Squip felt their line of questioning would be best suited for Jeremy’s ears. 

“Jeremy, do you celebrate St Valentine’s Day?” they asked monotonously, not bothering to turn their head and look at Jeremy. Jeremy quirked his eyebrows, used to non-sequitur greetings from Squip but wondering why on earth they would care about this particular subject. 

“Well I never had before but now that I've got a player 1 and 3 I might. Why?” he replied. There was an uneasy pause of silence from Squip.   
“I am, unaware of how to participate in this ritual. Certainly I've done my research but all I've found is what a human partner would do for their one monogamous partner,” Squip explained. Despite their best efforts to keep their voice and face stoic, Jeremy looked at them and sadly smiled like they were a kicked puppy. A kicked three legged puppy. It was insulting. 

“Aw it's all good Squip. Valentines isn't about getting things right it's about love and all that gooey shit. Just think through your haaarr-drive,” he said, circling his finger around Squip’s chest to emphasize his joke. He looked very proud of that one. Squip puffed up their cheeks. 

“Oh, oh I get it. I presume you think yourself some sort of comedian, Jeremiah. Just you wait, I’m going to give you and Michael a Valentines that would put Eros himself to shame,” Squip declared. Jeremy snorted and ruffled Squip’s hair.   
“Good luck with that, hun,” he said before exiting where he came from. 

They closed their eyes before an idea formed, they could simply indulge their boys in the twos various interests, video games, rare MAGIC cards, other such nerdy things. Yes, yes this could work well. But they would need money, specifically they would need to steal money, something untraceable. 

Bitcoins would do just nicely. 

It would be a week before packages would start pouring in for Squip, which they managed to smuggle into their study while Jeremy and Michael were at classes. It was pokemon cards and anime girl figures and vintage soda bottles as far as Squip could see. They cringed internally but assured themself that Jeremy and Michael would like the gifts and that their happiness would be worth it. 

It would be one night before Valentines that Squip had laid out the presents in their study, covering nearly every square inch besides their recharge booth was gifts and candy and nerdy inanities that Squip couldn't care less about and yet loved because it was so meaningful to their boyfriends. They placed their hands on their hips and surveyed the room. Everything was intricately placed with a designer’s eye for aesthetics. It would do just nicely to achieve their goal. 

The morning of, Squip awoke in their recharge booth to the smell of coffee and some sort of breakfast confection. Jeremy never wakes up this early. Slipping on a pair of black slippers Squip padded out to the kitchen and was greeted by the sight of Michael cooking in his pajamas and an apron, a very nice sight to wake up to. Squip wrapped their arms around Michael’s waist and peered over his shoulder to see what he was cooking, red velvet pancakes. 

“Morning, Tic-Tac, Happy Valentines Day,” he said lovingly, leaning back into Squip’s embrace. “Coffee’s in the pot if you want it.” Squip smiled and placed a quick kiss to Michael’s cheek before pouring themself a cup of black coffee. They didn’t need to caffeine, already having charged their internal processors, but during their time playing human they grew fond of the taste. They sat down at the kitchenette table, watching Michael cook. 

“After breakfast you and Jeremy should visit my study, I have presents,” they said coolly, taking a slow sip of their coffee. 

“Babe, you didn’t have to get us anything,” Michael half whined half gushed. 

“I know,” Squip said smugly, smirking. “That’s what makes me so nice.” 

It was only after the pancakes were finished and topped with frosting that Jeremy lumbered out of his and Michael’s shared bedroom like a pancake starved zombie, eating the frosted confection with such speed that Squip almost scolded Jeremy on his caloric intake for the day. Almost. They were much better now at breaking away from their initial coding. They even indulged themself in a pancake for Michael’s sake. He made a lot and they were sticky and too sweet and vaguely shaped like hearts and frankly, even with Jeremy having the biggest appetite of the three, he’d have to be heavily stoned or starved to finish off the leftovers

“So Jerm, Windows Ten said they bought us Valentines,” Michael said idly. Squip scowled at the nickname but Jeremy, finally awake, perked up. 

“Presents? Squip you sweetheart,” he gushed sleepily. Squip waved their hand flippantly. 

“Yes, yes, I’m the perfect partner- now wouldn’t you like to see your spoils?” they asked expectantly. They both nodded and Squip led them to their study before flamboyantly throwing open the door to show a veritable treasure trove of nerdy artifacts on display. Jeremy and Michael’s eyes sparkled as they stumbled towards the light of unfettered geekiness. 

“Holy fuck balls Squip,” Michael said looking at a plastic covered MAGIC card. “This is a Black Lotus card, do you know how much it’s worth?” Squip made an awkward sound and a so-so motion with their hand. 

“More or less,” they replied. 

“20,000 dollars, Squip! Where did you get this much money?”

“Bitcoins,” they replied defensively. Jeremy recognized that voice, that was the voice they used when they said they didn’t know Eminem would die. 

“Squip where did you get the bitcoins?” he asked sternly. Squip only laughed nervously in response. 

“Squip did you steal bitcoins?” Michael asked, shocked. 

“Steal is such a strong word, my dears, I simply took the funding away from people who wish to do harm with it. I am a benevolent force here.” Michael and Jeremy gave them a sad disappointed look, the look that said they were doing evil robot shit and they didn’t even notice. 

“Squip-” Michael started before he was hurriedly cut off. 

“Please, please at least keep the card Michael, it would mean the world to me if you at least kept the card,” they pleaded. Michael made a pained face that meant victory for the Squip. 

“Alright, I’ll keep the card, but we should really, I dunno, do something with all this other stuff. Donate it or something.”

“Oh yes, because the Salvation Army would really enjoy Jeremy’s perverted anime girl statues,” Squip snarked, feeling a little rejected. They really thought they were doing something good, something that Michael and Jeremy would really appreciate. Michael must have noticed Squip deflating in ego, he was always the better at noticing emotional shifts. 

Hey,” he said softly. “you know what I really want for valentines? What I really really want? A kiss.” Squip looked like they might burst into tears or a panic attack.

“Oh shit I forgot the Hershey's kisses, I’m so stupid! I'll be right back-” they exclaimed, trying to run out the door before Michael stopped them. 

“On the mouth,” he said coyly, winking.Squip looked perplexed before catching on. 

“But why. I can give you that any day of the year for free,” they replied blandly. 

“Because today all I want to think about is how much I love you and Jeremy,” Michael said, making his point by peppering kisses along Squip’s jawline in between words. The android nearly melted into his touch. 

“Oh. Then I'd be more than happy to oblige,” they replied shakily before locking lips with Michael.

Kissing Michael was exciting, exhilarating even. Kissing the infamous Squip killer, if their fellow Squips knew what they did on the regular they would be speechless, horrified. They were a traitor and they loved it. His lips were sweet with frosting, though they were always sweet as Michael loved his sugary sodas. They sighed softly into the kiss before feeling a tap on their shoulder. It was Jeremy standing almost shyly, a small smile on his face. 

“Hey, can I have my present too,” he asked. Squip gave him a half lidded gaze and swayed from Michael’s embrace over to Jeremy’s.  
“Of course,” they replied huskily. 

Kissing Jeremy, kissing Jeremy felt as close to coming home as Squip ever felt. It was that closeness, that bond they used to share and even though they're farther apart, like this Squip had never felt closer. It was his twitchy anxiety ridden nerves that always made kissing Jeremy so interesting, the way he shuddered and sighed and would occasionally bite down too hard on Squip’s lower lip, leaving their mouth feeling swollen and absolutely tingling in the best most human way. 

“Hey Jer, how bout planting one on me,” Michael said with a coy grin. Jeremy pulled away from Squip and reached over to kiss the other gently. 

Squip relished in feeling their boyfriends pressed up against either side of them, hearing the soft wet kissing sounds of Michael and Jeremy from over their shoulder. They rested their head against Michael’s chest and traced lazy patterns into the fabric of his hoodie. This was better than petty theft or taking over the world. As much as Squip wouldn’t want to admit it, they had been completely reformed and fallen in love, their artificial heart bubbled with affection for their two humans. It was all the gross mushy shit that Jeremy had been talking about. 

They’d never tell Jeremy he was right though, there’s only room for one egoist and that would be them.


	5. Coin Operated Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst, how Jeremy and Squip met for the second time

It was another gorgeous night in New Jersey, pouring fucking rain and a slight chill. For a place known for its beaches it sure did rain a lot.   
Jeremy was entertaining himself for the night with cable porn, made possible by his father being out on a business trip again and the Squip's annoying voice going suddenly mute the past few days. Jeremy figured the Mountain Dew red finally finished off its processor, and honestly good riddance. Jeremy didn't need a lame Keanu Reeves look-a-like telling him what a loser he was, he could do that by himself quite nicely thank you very much. 

Though, through the sounds of busty bimbos moaning on screen and the howling winds outside, Jeremy could make out the faint sound of scratching at his front door, and frankly it freaked him out. He knew it was probably just a neighborhood cat trying to get out of the wet but the dark and jumpy part of Jeremy’s brain that watched too many horror movies knew it was some hook handed homicidal maniac planning on doing horrible things to his face and limbs. Jeremy was quite attached to his limbs and quickly turned off the tv and pulled his pants on to listen for any danger. 

Bad move. 

Heavy, haggard breathing and something that sounded almost like his name. Jeremy's face went white as a sheet, his hands trembling wildly. This-this can't be happening. This shit only happens in horror movies and as a skinny white guy, Jeremy is no final girl. The sounds of his name got louder but still whispery and desperate. It sounds like whoever it is, they're choking back tears. 

Jeremy's brain went haywire, thinking of all the horrible possibilities waiting for him outside. Maybe it was a stalker trying to lure him out and kill him, maybe it was an injured neighbor that got locked out of their own house. Maybe it was a classmate dealing with some kind of a crisis. Whatever possibility it was, Jeremy’s good nature won out as he opened the door and braced himself for whatever the storm may greet him with. 

He didn't expect to see a sobbing teenager curled up into a ball on his welcome mat. Unruly curly black hair was plastered to their head and shiny black trench coat looked like it was barely keeping out the chill judging by the shivering sobs that wracked the body.   
It looked up at him with electric blue eyes, green liquid pouring out of its nose, forehead and mouth like some kind of monster, and it spoke. 

“Jeremy, please fix me!” it sobbed. 

Oh fuck. 

Jeremy would recognize that voice anywhere. The voice that haunted his nightmares and was the source of all his self-deprecating, suicidal thoughts. The Squip was alive, had a human body and was dripping viscous green liquid all over his front porch and welcome mat. 

“What the fuck are you doing here,” Jeremy exclaimed, absolutely aghast, stepping back in shock. This can’t be real. 

“Jeremy please,” it begged pitifully, raising an arm to try and grab at him. Jeremy took a step backward, watching it lunge for thin air and fall back down to the doormat. 

“No. No 'Jeremy please' nothing. You ruined my life. You almost ruined everyone's life,” Jeremy shouted against the howling winds. Squip stared up at him like a wounded animal, eyes wet with tears. 

“I-I was helping I-"

“If that's helping then I'd hate to see your sabotage,” Jeremy scoffed. 

“I was trying my best. I really thought I was doing good. Jeremy please, I'll die without you, I need-”

“Then die!” Jeremy roared, years of pent up rage against the computer coming to a boil. There was only the sounds of rain pounding against the tin roof of his house before a sob bubbled up from Squip's throat, the most needy pathetic sob Jeremy ever heard. It crescendoed into wailing tears that bubbled and fell. Jeremy felt his heart constrict with guilt. 

“Oh, oh fuck Squip I didn't-” Jeremy stopped himself. He did mean it. He did want Squip to die, but maybe not this crying teenaged body it's inhabiting. Its sobs calmed down into sniffles as it tried in vain to wipe the wetness from its eyes. 

"No, you're right Jeremy. What good is a squip if its person doesn't want it. I'm as good as a broken toy. I'm broken. I’m defective,” it whispered dejectedly. Jeremy bit his lip. God he was going to hate himself for this.

“Squip, you can come inside, out of the rain,” he muttered. Squip's eyes lit up like you told it it had just won the powerball or took over the world or whatever it is that evil computers really like. It stumbled to its feet shakily like a baby deer before crashing into Jeremy, clutching to his shirt for dear life. Its wide doe like eyes stared fearfully up at Jeremy like he was going to toss it aside for so much as touching him. Jeremy gave his Squip his best attempt at a comforting smile and helped it inside and onto the couch. It collapse bonelessly onto the soft fabric and instinctively curled back up into a little ball shape. Jeremy looked down at it. 

“Can you take off your coat?”he asked it like he was speaking to a small child. Without hesitation, shaky hands went to remove the black jacket that was practically plastered to its skin. It landed in a soft pile on the carpet. Jeremy noticed just how transparent the skin on Squip's arms were. Covered in heavy bruising with visible green veins, or maybe those were circuit boards. It stared up at him expectantly.

“I'm going to grab you a blanket and make you some hot tea, you stay there,” Jeremy said dumbly, trying to recall basic hospitality his mother taught him when she was still around. Kettle boiling on the stovetop and blanket from the upstairs closet. Something warm but also something his dad wouldn't notice green bloodstains on.

When Jeremy returned he had an armful of a big blue green comforter and a first aid kit perched precariously on top. He dropped the blanket down on Squip’s shaking body with a light ‘flumf’. 

“Can I clean you up a bit,” Jeremy asked it, gesturing to the first aid kit. Squip lowered its eyes and nodded it’s head frantically. Jeremy took that as a yes. 

He pulled an alcohol wipe and started dabbing around the dried liquid on Squip’s forehead, as he cleaned the wound he started to notice that deep below the Squip’s seemingly human skin there was some sort of shiny silicon, presumably to keep whatever was inside it safe. Jeremy started to wipe around Squip’s nose and mouth when the kettle had alerted them the tea was ready. Squip jumped at the noise and took a shaky breath, looking like it was ready to bolt. Jeremy patted down its hair in a hopefully comforting way. 

“Shhh, shh, it’s just the tea, you’re fine,” he cooed to calm the android. Squip sniffed and sunk back down into the thick blanket.   
When Jeremy had returned with the tea he watched Squip expectantly as it stared at the tea with hesitance. 

“Uh, would you like me to sit with you,” Jeremy asked, suddenly feeling awkward. The last drink he gave to Squip was the poison he attempted to use to end its life, so to speak. Squip tore its gaze away from the tea and opened its mouth to speak. 

“Yes,” it said, voice hoarse and scream torn. Jeremy sat down on the couch and wrapped an arm around the figure sitting there. Squip melted into his touch and buried its face into Jeremy’s chest. 

“I missed you, I missed you, I missed you,” it chanted into his shirt like a prayer, its eyes tightly shut and hands clenched around Jeremy in a vice grip like it was afraid Jeremy would disappear into thin air. 

“I know,” Jeremy murmured, running a hand through its slowly drying hair. 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” it wept brokenly. It's voice was glitching and buzzing from overuse. 

“I know,” Jeremy lied. They sat there until Squip quieted, either through falling asleep or shutting down, it was hard to tell when it wasn't breathing. Jeremy sighed and looked down at the monster in his lap. Blue black hair curling wildly out of control, dark eyebrows were furrowed together and thin pastel lips were mouthing words only Squip knew in its sleep. Long black eyelashes fluttered against high pale cheekbones, it was in some kind of R.E.M. cycle and whatever it was dreaming it didn't seem peaceful. Good. It deserved all the nightmares it got. 

But still, there was something so vulnerable about it, the way it pleaded for its life. 

Maybe it wasn't the villain it appeared to be.


End file.
